He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
