Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
