Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
