It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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