Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
