There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
