dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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