She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
