Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
