Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize