It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
