There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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