last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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