So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
