I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
