does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
