Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
True strength comes from lack of pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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