If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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