The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
