FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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