just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
