I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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