Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
