we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You pole danced in your parka.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize