oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
