i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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