my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
