is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
