So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
