How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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