I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
