I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
