we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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