I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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