I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
