I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
