Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
