How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I fill condoms, not promises.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
