You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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