girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
