I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
