every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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