i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
