I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
