That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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