I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
