My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like eating out sand paper
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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