I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
