Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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