yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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