Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
