Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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