Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
