ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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