Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
