You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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