Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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