I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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