my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
