i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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