we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
