So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
