literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
