is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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