I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
