Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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