Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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