You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
