My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
