@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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