She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Couch. On fire.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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