and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
