some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
