Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
