I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
