Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
